Happy Birthday - A Matter of Perspective

Another birthday has come and gone-but who's counting?! Honestly, it took the texting of friends' "happy birthday!" to remind me of the occasion. Even when my daughter called me to say "happy birthday", I was again reminded that I had not given it much thought before or during the 'special' day. For me, it is a day just like any other, and that's the way I like it. I truly don't want any extra or special attention simply because it is my birthday. After all, EVERYBODY has a birthday. Nobody did anything special to create or to deserve this special day. Actually, for me, THOSE thoughts are the very things that make expressions of "happy birthday" so special. Knowing that our birthdays are certainly something over which we had no control, and every person shares this event at some point in each year; I choose the perspective of "I am saying 'happy birthday' to you because I want you to know how glad I am that you were born. I am blessed to have you as part of my life, and I want you to know it. I am so thankful for you." I hope I don't express these thoughts (in a variety of ways) ONLY on someone's anniversary of their birth, but throughout the year as well. I also hope that I make my previously stated perspective of 'thankfulness' for that person's birthday very clear to them. Perspective is always so important!

I was reminded of this as my daughters and I were talking about a birthday gift that my husband gave to me many years ago. It was a book entitled "Lord, Change Me!" by Evelyn Christenson. Now, may I ask you to imagine how I FELT like responding to a book by that title?! "LORD, CHANGE ME!" How dare my husband buy me a book-on my birthday-without consulting me first-that speaks of ME needing to be changed! I was ticked!! Thankfully (only by the grace of God!), I did not react out of my state of 'ticked-ed-ness'. (I know, that's not a word, but it works for me.) I did, however; after some deep breaths, some S-O-S prayers, and a bit of time; talk with Mike about how I felt. What was he trying to tell me with that particular book choice? Is there a problem with me? I didn't feel as if he was affirming me on my birthday at all. What's going on here?! Are you ready for his response? He really didn't pay much attention to the TITLE. He paid attention to the AUTHOR. He explained further. At that time I had recently completed a book study by the same author and had absolutely LOVED it. I had shared much of it with him and how much the study meant to me. I had also shared how much I had learned from Evelyn. And so, THAT was his 'take away' from our conversations. He tucked the 'author' information away and chose to surprise me with what he perceived as just the right gift for my birthday. He was excited to be able to give me what he thought was a gift with a very personal touch.

The problem was that of perspective. I considered the title of the book while he considered the author. I felt as if he was attempting to find a way to tell me that I desperately needed to change (which I'm sure I did, but that wasn't his point!); he was simply choosing a gift that he felt would mean so much to me because of my love of this author's work. After talking through this whole ordeal, I realized he had given me an even greater gift-the gift of listening well and then saving that information for just the right time with which to surprise me. Had we NOT talked through this, I would have never known our difference in perspectives that day. THAT would have been potentially tragic to our relationship.

Since then, there have been MANY times when our perspectives have differed. I have thought "is he that dense that he is just not getting my message?!" And then I am reminded that he could certainly have the same thoughts toward me. We have different brains; different minds; different families of origin; different life experiences. Not just he and I, but ALL of us. And ALL of that makes a difference regarding our perspective. I must remind myself as I remind others: stop; think; consider the perspective of another so that we may learn from one another instead of being so easily offended by one another.

Thanks for reading,

Libby