Hide and Seek, Part 2

"I was about to be found-by my circle of friends." Let's pick up the story here. During this hard place, Beth (not knowing anything specific about what was hiding in me) would check in with me with her usual dose of encouragement and some hard questions (only one of the reasons why I love her!).

I responded with positive 'tip of the iceberg' answers while keeping the massive, dangerous, hidden part of the iceberg quiet. Then Lisa and I began to talk about some 'stuff'. Uh oh-I was letting more of the iceberg show. Okay, that's enough of that. Cover it all back up and move on. Leave the sleeping giants alone. Then, recently I was with a group of girlfriends. Business as usual. I looked at the clock and said to myself, "I'm outa here in five minutes."

Then Tammy spoke. It went something like this, "Before I leave I feel like I need to ask, (then she looks across the table right into my eyes. Honestly, I began to shake before she said another word. What is going on here?!) how are you, Libby?" With those four unassuming and simple words, I began to come undone. I held myself together-somewhat. I immediately thought to myself, "There are, like, FIVE other women at this table. WHY ME?" Then, out loud, I responded with "I'm fine-really." (Flash a fake smile.)

Then something happened. I'll describe it like this-it was as if I began to have a fight with myself. I said to my friends, "No, I'm not fine-I'm a mess; but it's okay-really." "I can't talk about it now; can't talk about it here." "Blah, blah, blah-" Do you know what those ladies did? They had the guts to say things like, "No, I really believe this is something you need to do now." They believed that God was zeroing in on me. I was really taken aback. I thought I had heard wrong, but I hadn't. They were not going to let me go. The evening was getting late; I was concerned about taking too much of their time with my 'stuff' ('stuff' I didn't even understand or WANT to divulge to anybody), and they were, all of a sudden, acting like 'macho-men'-pinning me down. These sweet, gentle girlfriends became stern and firm! I broke before them, and as they questioned me about my 'stuff', I began to just let it all roll out. Feelings, questions, confusion-me, me, me-the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly!

But they wanted to hear it all; they wanted to rid me of the sleeping giants inside of me-for good. No more hiding-spill it and slay it! After I cried and shared and cried some more-lots more, Tammy began to approach me, praying as she came. Then Beth put one arm around me and held my hand in hers. Then I felt the warmth of Peg and Dee Ann and Missy. From behind me Lisa began to massage my aching neck (she didn't even know it was aching!). The prayers of others continued-all on my behalf. How humbling is that? I have always known that these women love me; but now I felt as if THEY were desperate for me to REALLY believe it. They were desperate for me to EMBRACE not only their love, but the love of Papa God as well. (Thank you, dear Jocelyn, for teaching me the importance of 'embracing' something rather that merely 'appreciating' it!)

God showed up-and showed OFF-big time-for me. And how humbling is that?! I knew that He would-in His time and in His way. This was just so unexpected-and so necessary. There is so much more I could share about this precious time together-and about the awesome ways God continued to speak to me into the wee hours of the morning. I will say that God had been putting these pieces together for a long time. I can look back and see Him ever so clearly now. He was just waiting for me to receive what He was eager to give-all of Himself to all of me.

I told my sweet, gentle, stern, firm, and beautiful girlfriends to try to picture this: what happened to me began with God at His Throne of Grace, then tumbled through the lips of Tammy, and was poured on me like healing anointing oil by the rest of the ladies. I need them so much and am so thankful for my circle of friends. Lord, please help me to NEVER hide like I had-ever again. Should I choose to hide, may it only be in a child's game of "Hide and Seek". Are you 'hiding'? Please, please-come out, come out wherever you are. Call us-write to us. We are desperate for you to be 'found', dear friend.

Thanks for reading,

Libby