And I Must Become Less

I did it-I finished yet another long-term sub position while the classroom teacher was on maternity leave. For me, these jobs have two things in common with one another. One-the students are precious. Two-the documentation/standardized testing is not. Oh well. As I have taught over the years, I have found another commonality among students. For the most part, they truly do love it when their 'regular' teacher is able to come back. I have found this to be true especially among the younger students. "When is Mrs. So-and-So coming back?" "Is tomorrow the day?" These questions are asked with large-eyed eagerness, accompanied by such a sweet smile. I respond with appropriate affirmation of that teacher. "She'll be back next Monday, and I'm so glad you are excited. I know she is excited to see you!" Etc., etc., etc. I must admit, while I am giving those answers-with an intentionally placed smile upon my face, there is an underlying voice within me that says, "What's wrong with ME?" "Don't you want ME to be your teacher?" While this voice has lessened somewhat each time, it is still there. Bottom line-I want to be wanted. Rock bottom line-sometimes I want to be even BETTER than that regular teacher. OUCH!! That is one tough confession. I need to also clarify that, without exception, the students have always made it very clear to me that they love having me for their teacher; many have even said, "I wish we could have both of you!" Those are such kind and selfless words coming from such young hearts and minds. I love it. I love them.

As I have experienced these conflicts of emotions over my substitute teaching years-wanting to be wanted while not undermining the authority of and the respect for the teachers-I have kind of equated it to the words of John the Baptizer when he said, "He (Jesus) must become greater, and I must become less." (John 3:30) John was speaking to people who were quite in tune with his leadership and were devoted to him. They may have even thought that John was allowing himself to take too much of a back seat to Jesus. Hmmm-perhaps they were even envious of Jesus' success. John handled this so well with his response to them. (Read all about it!) Why? I believe (at least in part) it was because he knew his role; his purpose. He knew he was to prepare the way for the Lord; to prepare people's minds and hearts to receive Jesus. John was not the Savior; he was not the King of kings and the Lord of lords. And he let people know this. In John 1: 19, 20 we read "Now this was John's testimony when the Jews of Jerusalem sent priests and Levites to ask him who he was. He did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, 'I am not the Christ.'" And vs. 23 says, "John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, 'I am the voice of one calling in the desert-make straight the way for the Lord.'" John's purpose was clear. My purpose in teaching is clear. I need to show Jesus to the students through my words, attitudes, and actions. I need to enable them to be prepared for the 'next thing'-whatever that may be-including the return of their teacher.

So whether I am teaching or parenting (is there really a difference?!) or simply being a friend, I must maintain the same 'John' attitude-"He (Jesus) must become greater, and I (Libby) must become less. I want God to always help me to prepare others for their 'next thing'; to be able to walk away with hugs, kisses, and "I love you's" when the time is right; and to be available with wise counsel and a listening ear when necessary.

So I walked out of yet another classroom, at the end of my time there, with a smile on my face and love in my heart for those children, knowing that I had done what I was called to do. I do need to say though that the smile still hides a small sense of sadness as I say 'good bye'. It is time to move on to my 'next thing'. I pray that I will do that next thing well-for the sake of making the greatness of Jesus known!

Thanks for reading,

Libby